To cling or not to cling, that must surely be the question. My answer is easy, don’t. Don’t cling to anybody, ever, or anything, ever. Don’t give that power away. It gives whatever or whoever you are #clinging to, total control over you. And that is something you would not want. Ever. Is it not much better to be in control of your own life, your own happiness?
Clinging is for cling-wrap only.
Clinging to people is just sad. Clinging to a #spouse or partner or any person makes you the weak one, the one at the total mercy of the other – a very bad place to be in. They can cheat on you, lie to you, hurt you and you will forgive, and they will do it again, and again, as there will be no point not to. No negative result. Don’t be a weakling, put your foot down. At the start of a relationship say ‘hey, you are choosing to be in a relationship with me but really, if you would like to go at any time, go. Feel free. I am not going to keep hold of you or beg you to stay. I will not embarrass or disrespect myself that way.’ And add ‘if you abuse my trust in any way you are signing your own exile warrant, no second chances. I would rather be on my own and free to be with whomever I want whenever I want than bound to some lying, disrespectful ass.’ Cold? No, just realistic. #reality check
Don’t cling to your parents or your #children for that matter, as they have their own lives and unfortunately or fortunately, their own priorities. Let them be free and don’t expect anything from them. Accept what they can give you and give them what you can. I have taken a really long time to realise that. Then you don’t give them any power over you. The power to hurt and disappoint. You do have power over your child when they are totally dependent on you but don’t abuse that power. Raise them well with principles, care for them, teach them manners, but don’t force them to do stuff which they don’t want to do like piano lessons…Let them do ballet or modelling if they want to and you can afford it. Let them choose in which direction they want to go with early school subjects and a later career. Let them be #gay if they choose to. Really? Yes! It’s not about you it’s about them and their happiness. Don’t force your prejudices or narrow-mindedness on your children.
Always remember, it is their life to live NOT YOURS. I can’t stress this enough.
Don’t cling to earthly goods or #religion. They all disappoint and they all give you false hopes, false security. Don’t cling to a lifestyle, a job, a home. They can all disappear quicker than you think. Due to economics, accident, fire, flood, anything. Try to live your life according to the #mantra – do what you may but harm none. If you can’t help someone, try not to hurt them. Don’t destroy everything around you. Conserve.
If you don’t like someone, if they have hurt you or have made your life unpleasant, cut off all contact with them. There is NO reason to continue mixing with poisonous influences. #Family can hurt you the most and yes, disassociate yourself from them if you need to. You can choose your friends and not your family but you can let go. Don’t cling…ever…
Don’t cling to riches or status, it is extremely freeing to let go of #possessions and the need to posses. Give your excess stuff away to someone who can appreciate it, who needs it. Do good with your money if you have to spare, give to accountable #charities where you can see what they do with it. Or buy a lot of cat food and dog food and give it to the SPCA or other animal charities. Ask them what they need and give it to them, let them show you the results. Materials for shelter, money for veterinary services, whatever. Not because you want to be glorified or want thanks but because it feels good to help those who can’t help themselves.
It is true in life that everyone looks out for themselves first. I have yet to meet someone who will put my desires and #happiness first. I love my only child more than life itself but while I have tried to steer her in certain directions, raised her with a great love for animals, with awareness for the environment, she makes and has always made her own choices and is responsible for her own mistakes. She is vegetarian because she wants to be, not because I say so. I don’t expect her to organise her life around me. I have not turned her into a prude or a religious nut. She is an awesome, brilliant, open minded, free, amazingly stable and responsible human being. At not even twenty years of age she has experienced love, happiness, unhappiness, rejection, heartbreak, disappointment, she has been engaged, un-engaged, gainfully employed, unemployed, she has lived on her own, lived with someone, been dependent, been independent, lived in quite a number of different towns, attended about ten different schools where she always, constantly excelled. She thus became extremely good at being flexible as well as totally open minded. She was raised to adapt. She has great plans for the future. I can’t wait to see all that she will achieve.
Although we live apart, I am always there for her though, in every way that I can be. Always. That is what a mother is supposed to do. Be there but don’t cling. She is free to live her life the way she wants to, be friends with whomever she wants to be. Love whomever she wants. I will try to get along with her choices, whoever they are, but if they hurt or harm her in any way, they should know that they will make an enemy of me.
She lives 600 km’s away from me and we see each other when possible. She will always know that I love her and that she has a home wherever I am. I will always #support her in what she does and always be on her side even if she is wrong. But I will not cling. I rest assured that I have done what I can to make her able to deal with everything life throws at her. I have taught her the most important thing…she does not cling…