Of friends and foes and family

It always surprises me how easily good people (at least those you thought were good) can turn bad for no reason at all. There is a saying ‘you can choose your friends but not your family, so choose wisely’. Family in my case have all disappointed me greatly and I will go so far as saying that I have no family except for my daughter who I would have chosen as a friend anyway. She is everything I admire in people. Family – those people you are born to and forced to live with for 18 years of your life – are the ones who are supposed to love you no matter what. Right? Not necessarily. But they are the ones who can hurt you the most.

Well, as for choosing your friends I do it extremely carefully. Here I am not referring to cyber friends but real ones. People are never fully compatible – both of you may strongly believe in a cause like for instance fighting against the Taiji massacre of dolphins and that is how you meet, but you can strongly differ on another very important matter such as racial discrimination. There is a point in all friendships where you realize that this one is for life, or this is one of those ‘for the moment’ friendships. That you can overcome any obstacle – or not.

There is also a sad point when you realize that childhood friendships have not survived the growing up or growing old process. You have to let go gently. Don’t hold on to worthless friendships in name only. It does not do any good to anyone.

A real friendship will survive big differences of opinion, for example my very best friend in the world shares quite a few similarities with me but we differ greatly on others. We both love animals, have had cats and dogs and birds over the years and we mourned together when something bad happened to them and rejoiced in their love when they were still with us. We are the same gender, the same age, both had ‘illegitimate children’, marriages which did not work out, were single moms together but we come from totally different backgrounds and are at different places in our lives as well as thousands of kilometers and countries apart. I am a serious vegetarian and she is not. Do I hate her for that? Never! Would I love it if she changed over? Of course! I will try my best to convince her but she will stay my friend whatever happens. It is easy. She has been there for me all the way from the time when I earned more than her to the time when she sometimes has to send me food, fix my car, buy my first book…which is more than I can say for anyone else.

Friends are better family than family. That old saying of blood is thicker than water is utter hogwash. What creates the bonds are relationships, real ones not imagined nor forced. Parents who force siblings to kiss and make up are wrong. Anything forced is wrong. That is why it hurts like hell when you find out after nearly half a century (yes it took me a few years more than that to fully accept it) that the familial relationships you have cultivated are worthless, that it was a lie that you were led to believe that you were punished ‘out of love’, cheated out of having milestone celebrations…stuff you will never have the chance to do again. They ruined my memories so to speak. Life can be a real bitch. I was once told by my parents that they assisted me when I was in need not because I am their child, but because it was the ‘Christian thing to do’. What a shocker that was. And here I thought they loved me. Well the joke was on me. The rest of my supposedly ‘Christian’ family never even gave me a loaf of bread when my daughter and I had no food, I swear, and they are the ‘chosen’ ones? They splurged on luxuries while we starved. Because of them I have  distanced myself from ‘Christianity’ in general. It is a farce. A total joke. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their beds and a thousand tape worms their rotten souls.

As you can guess by now, I am angry. I have a lot of bad history and disappointments which haunt me. They say that someone is so ugly only his mother can love him? Yeah…if your mother doesn’t even love you it gets to you. Like I have mentioned in another blog, when you disappoint me you are out of my life. Out of my heart, out of my mind except when I dig you up for a reason or when they force themselves into my life. Out they go again! Better now they stay hidden forever. Today is the first day of the rest of my life sans family and false friends.

Love and light in the darkness

Inia

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